Rude Nursery Rhymes for Older Kids

We've sneaked in a selection of Paul's nursery rhyme parodies which are all rather rude. So we've called the collection Rude Nursey Rhymes and would humbly suggest that if you're too young to know what a parody is you're probably also too young to read the poems. If that sounds too much like a riddle (quite a few adults don't know what a parody is), we'd recommend you read the first rude kids poems first, then these rude nursery rhymes and finally the very rude kids poems. If at any point along the way you feel sick, stop reading immediately and seek medical attention.

Rude Nursery Rhyme #1

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay

Rude Nursery Rhyme #2

Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Are you a star twinkling bright?
Or just another bloody satellite

Rude Nursery Rhyme #3

Doctor Foster
Went to Gloucester
On a railway train
But he got in a muddle
And got off at Bristol
And said “Oh shit not again”

Rude Nursery Rhyme #4

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her and doggie some bread
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So she ate the doggie instead.

Rude Nursery Rhyme #5

Twinkle, twinkle little star
Are the services very far?
Oh I really hope they are
Or I will Tinkle, Tinkle in the car

Rude Nursery Rhyme #6

Mary was a little flirt
Men followed her like sheep
But though she liked the attention
She fancied little bo peep

Rude Nursery Rhyme #7

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
But it’s not PC to call it black
So she calls it dirty white

Rude Nursery Rhyme #8

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But someone lit the candlestick
And poor old Jack burnt his wick

Rude Nursery Rhyme #9

Little Tommy Tucker sings for his suppers,
Because he is so down on his uppers
But he doesn’t get much out of it
Because his singing is really shit

Rude Nursery Rhyme #10

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This internet bomb making site
Really is a load of shite

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

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Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2018 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright of the stated authors and used with permission