Naughty Nursery Rhymes for Kids

The naughty nursery rhymes slit slap bang between the clean and the rude nursery rhyme parodies. I think they're suitable for children aged 9 and over, but if you're not a confident swimmer you should perhaps retreat to the metaphorical shallow end by reading the clean nursery rhyme parodies first.

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #1

Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?
No sir, No sir, we don’t have any wool!
Are you a nutter? Are you insane?
This is the butchers the wool shop‘s down the lane.

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #2

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
The people behind could see nothing at all
They asked him to move but he wouldn’t do that
So they pushed him off and he went splat

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #3

Mary had a woolly lamb
Who ran away from her
It was struck by lightning
And its now just polyester

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #4

It's raining, it's pouring;
Politicians are snoring.
They had their chance
To save the world
Now we’re screwed by global warming

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #5

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pie man "what have you got there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon "what do you expect me to have?"
“I’m the pie man so I’ve got pies you dozy chav”

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #6

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
Or is it genetically modified?

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #7

Hickory dickory dock
Something’s up with the clock
The clock’s struck dumb
The batteries run down
Useless bloody clock

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #8

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a horseshoe nail oh what tosh.
Ill equipped and poorly lead is why they lost

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #9

"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?
Have you been up to London to visit the Queen?"
“No I haven’t, didn’t you hear my meow?
I’ve been locked in the garage you silly cow”

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #10

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her face
She might call it a curl
But I’m afraid little girl
You’ve actually grown a moustache

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #11

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was launched the tills began to sing,
It seems that McDonalds will fob you off with anything

Naughty Nursery Rhyme Parody #11

Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
Oh I hate runny noses
A tissue! A tissue!
No don’t wipe it on your sleeve!

Copyright © Paul Curtis. All Rights Reserved

Clean Nursery Rhyme ParodiesNaughty Nursery RhymesRude Nursery Rhymes

Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2018 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright of the stated authors and used with permission