The selection called Odes and Ends is a mixed bag of short funny poems, which include shape poems, nursery rhyme parodies, old saws resharpened and the odd anaphorism.
Limericks are poems which follow a particular form and rhyming scheme and are quite often rather naughty. The Dancer is a clean, funny limerick about a young man who performs a peculiarly English type of dance.
Limerick
5-11
5 lines
There was a young man from Weston-super-Mare
With bells on his fingers and ribbons in his hair
The locals looked askance
When he started to dance
'I'm Morris, the dancer. How dare you stare!'
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A short poem which is is meant to make you think as well as laugh.
Rhyming Poetry
5-13
6 lines
I've heard a mouse squeak
and I've heard a lion roar.
I've heard a door creak
and I've heard my Granny snore.
But I've never heard a tree bark,
nor heard a willow weep.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A poem which is not a poem. Or is it?
Rhyming Poetry
5-12
6 lines
My lines do not scan.
My words do not rhyme.
I've overrun the meter, dramatically,
Not for the first time.
Am I a poem?
I am, if I say I am.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
When I was a child, the great climatologists of the day were predicting an imminent ice age and instead, 30 years later, we're told that global warming is going fry us to a crisp. If a meteorologist can't tell you whether it's going to rain today, what hope is there of climatologists predicting what will happen 100 or 1,000 years hence.
Old Saw Resharpened
10-14
lines
If buds the Holly before the May,
Global warmings on its way,
But if before the May the Holly is,
Expect an Ice Age - sincere apologies
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
An example of a shape poem which is what is says, and says what it is.
Shape Poem
9-14
1 line
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
You wake up on Christmas morning and discover that Aunt Gladys has knitted you yet another Christmas cardigan. It could be worse...
Short Rhyming Poem
5-11
4 lines
Tick Tock, Tick Tock,
Cock-a-Doodle-Do.
An alarm cock,
How clever of you!
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A parody of Humpty Dumpty which doesn't leave you with egg on your face...
Nursery Rhyme Parody
10-14
11 lines
Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall
But Humpty Dumpty
Felt too tall
Next Humpty Dumpty
Sat on the floor
But Humpty Dumpty
Felt too small
So Humpty Dumpty
Sat on the fence
... How very painful
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
The story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is subverted in a humorous poem which mirrors her famously vain Who's the fairest of them all? speech.
Rhyming Poetry
5-12
8 lines
Oh mirror mirror on the wall,
Why do you think I'm two foot tall?
Your height is right for seven dwarves,
But all I see is feet and calves.
I cannot see my face at all,
Unless I kneel, or sit or crawl.
So mirror mirror on the wall,
Whose knees are knobbliest of them all?
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
Aphorisms are clever little sayings which trip off the tongue; anaphorisms are their distant relations which seem to be saying something clever, but are really rather silly.
Anaphorism
7-13
4 lines
As an Eskimo
Is to his igloo,
So a bald man
Is to his wig glue.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A tasty little shape poem which features a feast of fonts and a slight leaning towards silliness.
Shape Poem
5-11
18 lines
Flying the flag for poetry in a world where pop musicians live like kings and poets like paupers.
Anaphorism
7-13
8 lines
Yesterday I penned a poem
But the rhyme went wrong
So I set it to music
And now its a song
Sung by some pop tarts
It would top the charts
But poetry's a higher calling
Music merely caterwauling.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A cinema trip is subjected to a rude and unusual interruption. Popcorn never behaved that badly!
Anaphorism
11-13
8 lines
Relaxing in the cinema
Bathed in deathly hush
I opened up my box of chocs
And out came shouts and screams.
I slammed the lid and quickly hid,
As all around went "Shhhh"
It was a great mistake to take
A box of violent creams.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A shape poem, which uses the arrangement of words on the page to create an image or design to illustrate the subject matter. This is not a funny poem, but it is a suitable farewell.
Rhyming Poetry
6-14
6 or 21 depending
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
