About the Poem

A verse about Naughty Amelia Jane, the grannicidal maniac. You're unlikely to know what grannicidal means, as I've just made the word up, but you'll understand its meaning much better when you've read the poem.


Cautionary Verse


Nonsense Poem


20 lines

Key Stage

KS2, KS3


Max Scratchmann

Naughty Amelia Jane

Amelia Jane from Meadow Lane,
Microwaved the cat again,
Put her knickers in the tea,
Filled the kettle with her pee.

Then she stole a lobster pincer,
Put it through the kitchen mincer,
Put a mouse in Grandma’s cheese,
Then sawed her artificial knees.

Grandma fell out in the garden,
Amelia Jane said, Beg your pardon,
Sorry if I kicked you, Granny,
Thought you were the meter mannie!

Grandma said, I’ll fix you, madam,
I’ll cover you in Tar Macadam,
Plus some feathers from the tanners’,
That’ll make you mind your manners.

But Amelia laughed and said,
Only if you keep your head,
Then she shot her on the spot,
Ta ta, Granny, thanks a lot!

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved

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