Nonsense Christmas Poems for Kids

Poem Title

Christmas Party Snack Packs

Author

Max Scratchmann

Style

Children's Christmas Poetry

Age Range

5-11

Key Stage

KS1, KS2

Length

10 lines

Christmas Party Snack Packs

Hello, it’s me, I’m here for tea, I’ll have a slice of cake,
That mincemeat pie is good for I, ‘twas nice of you to bake.
That chocolate liqueur, I’ll have for sure, and a Meltis Newbury Fruit,
And a turkey leg, I’ll surely beg, I’m sure it’s on my route.
This Toblerone is quite my own, and I’ll have some Turkish Delight,
Some marzipan?  Yes, I’m your man, I could eat that stuff all night.
A chocolate coin, a glass of wine, and German ginger bread,
An Advocaat, straight from the jar, it will go to my head.
Ooo, sausage roll, and toad in the hole, as made by Mrs Beeton,
But just a part of that rich jam tart, it’s not long since I’ve just eaten.

Poem Title

Snow Fun

Author

Max Scratchmann

Style

Children's Christmas Poetry

Age Range

5-11

Key Stage

KS1, KS2

Length

16 lines

Snow Fun

When I was young I liked the snow,
That snowman-building winter show,
But now I’m old I’m not so sure,
It’s pristine, beauteous, white and pure.

I watch each frosty, fluffy flake,
Build into drifts and hostage take,
My roads and paths and city street,
Lock me in or bruise my seat.

My wellies slide, my feet unsteady,
Can this be winter?  I’m not ready.
So snow, come back another year,
I don’t want you, it’s true I fear.

Keep off my roads, my paths and yards,
And keep yourself to Christmas cards.
For eager children do not know,
That they will one day say, snow go.

Poem Title

Advent Calendars

Author

Max Scratchmann

Style

Children's Christmas Poetry

Age Range

8-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

16 lines

Advent Calendars

I went to buy an Advent cal, to tell the Christmas tale,
Of how the babe at Bethlehem defeated mortal vale,
Instead I found the Simpsons, Action Man and even Barbie,
To dole out chocolate nothings, to children who are tardy.

So I rang the advent publishers, said, what happened to The Word,
That story from the Gospels?  They said, you’re quite absurd,
We publish Advent calendars, you silly little sod,
They’re things we have at Christmas time, they’re nowt to do with God.

Now hold a blessed minute now, I posited to the man,
This Christmas stuff is Christian-based, they are its loyal fan.
Oh no, they said, you’ve got it wrong, we can’t repeat enough,
That Advent is a retail month, it’s all about the stuff.

So go and buy our chocolate coins, and crunchy fruity jellies,
And join the mass consumer tide that’s filling up their bellies,
For we love this Advent season, it’s our month of milk and honey,
It’s not about the birth of Christ, it’s about us making money.

Poem Title

Christmas Song

Author

Max Scratchmann

Style

Children's Christmas Poetry

Age Range

8-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

4 lines

Christmas Song

Long time ago in Bethlehem, so the Holy Bible say,
Hallmark cards cooked up a scheme and called it Christmas Day,
And you and me and every schmo, buys loads of junk each year,
And Hallmark staff throughout the globe let out a hearty cheer!

Poem Title

Christmas Day Is Over

Author

Max Scratchmann

Style

Children's Christmas Poetry

Age Range

5-13

Key Stage

KS1, KS2, KS3

Length

10 lines

Christmas Day Is Over

Christmas day is over, Dad, take down the Xmas tree,
And put the cards upon the fire and pass the decs to me,
We’ll put the lights in the attic, Dad, and make sarnies with the roast,
And make up mincemeat butties, Dad, and take them to the coast.

Let’s pack up all the baubles, Dad, the glow stars and the fairy,
The snowman figure on the lawn and the Santa above the dairy,
‘Cause Christmas day is over, Dad, the crackers have all gone pop,
There’s Christmas specials on telly, Dad, but eventually they’ll have to stop.

The lights are down in the valleys, Dad, there’s darkness all over Wales,
Yes, Christmas day is over, dad, and we’re all off to the sales.