A collection of funny poems for Halloween which encompass both the traditional 'witch and warlock' Halloween and the contemporary 'trick or treat' imported from America. The humorous Halloween poems are guaranteed to be child friendly and non-scary, unlike the scary Halloween poems that follow.
A rather mean-spirited poem written from the viewpoint of someone who hasn't entered into the true spirit of trick or treat.
Rhyming Poetry
6-14
8 lines
When the little boys and girls
Knock at my door for candy
I must give them what they want
“Or else” is their modus operandi
So with a false smile I comply
But under my breath I pray
That by the time Christmas comes
They’ll all have tooth decay
Copyright © Paul Curtis
You may begin to see a pattern developing, as this poem is all about avoiding the attention of roving trick and treaters.
Rhyming Poetry
6-14
14 lines
I hide behind the sofa quivering in fear
Now the witching hour is near
The curtains are drawn tight
And I’ve turned off the lights
The TV volume is way down low
I sit and cower in its feeble glow
Then comes the knock upon the door
And I curl up quivering on the floor
My heart is pounding my breath is shallow
My mouth is dry it’s hard to swallow
On all hallows eve I live in mortal dread
But not of monsters or the un-dead
The fear that turns my heart to stone
Is Trick or Treaters knowing I’m home
Copyright © Paul Curtis
A funny poem about an encounter in the woods with two haggard old women. Are they just country crones, or something more sinister?
Rhyming Poetry
7-14
8 lines
Two old women
In long black cloaks
With pointy hats
And two black cats
'We're Imelda
And Griselda'
Said one. But which
Should I call witch?
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
What should rebellious teenagers wear at Halloween, if they are accustomed to dress like witches and warlocks all year round?
Rhyming Poetry
8-14
6 lines
At Halloween
Does the goth teen
Wear a paisley shirt
Or
a floral skirt
So as not to conform
To the accepted norm?
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
Trick or Treat is one thing, but the juvenile horrors that inhabit Paul's poem go one step further. In the eyes of the author, it's definitely a step too far.
Rhyming Poetry
10-14
20 lines
They’re nothing but thugs
With pure evil intent
These spawn of Satan
Are not heaven sent
These foul blackguards
Going about their sport
They say “Trick or treat”
As they happily extort
They squirt fake blood
On my front door
They egg my new car
I can’t take any more
I sit counting the minutes
Am I the only one?
Who just can’t wait
Till Halloween is done
Copyright © Paul Curtis
A poem about an apparently contradictory creature, a completely non-scary vampire.
Short Rhyming Poetry
7-14
4 lines
I'm a vegetarian vampire
With an aversion to necks
So I fly round aimlessly nibbling
Nutty oaty chewy snacks
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A rather more benign poem about the antics of trick or treaters.
Rhyming Poetry
6-10
8 lines
I wear a funny wig
My sister has a mask
We are well disguised
To go about our task
To have fun with our friends
Collecting Candy to eat
As we terrorise the neighbours
As we go “trick or treat”
Copyright © Paul Curtis
Kate's poem about about a witch who suffers sartorial shortcomings is both cute and funny.
Rhyming Poetry
4-10
4 lines
The Wicked Witch of the West
went flying in her string vest.
She’d reached Big Ben on her broomstick when
she realised she was half dressed.
Copyright © Kate Williams
Sweet revenge for householders on all the young trick and treaters who have eyes that are bigger than their stomachs.
Rhyming Poetry
5-11
16 lines
Little monsters in costumes
Looking for candy treats
Terrorizing the neighbours
All along the street
They prey on young or old
To satisfy their appetites
Treats are handed over
To creatures of the night
With their goody bags
Full of every candy treat
They can’t wait to get home
Before they start to eat
Then when the bags are empty
They realise their mistake
They’ve eaten so much candy
They’ve all got stomach ache
Copyright © Paul Curtis
A short poem about a strange case of haunting which has a entirely mundane explanation.
Rhyming Poetry
5-12
4 lines
What is that ghostly apparition?
Is that ghostly figure a Phantasm?
Come to haunt and terrorise us?
No it’s the kid from next door, Adam
Copyright © Paul Curtis
Is Halloween the one night of the year when ugly people come into their own? Or can some folks be too scary even for this night of ghosts and ghouls?
Short Rhyming Poetry
7-12
4 lines
If you go out
To play trick or treat
And people ask
You to wear a mask
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
If you go out trick and treating, you expect to come back with pockets crammed with sweets and to have played the odd trick on uncooperative or unsuspecting householders. Just occasionally, trick or treaters find they are the biters bit.
Rhyming Poetry
7-12
4 lines
They knock at the door. Rat a tat tat.
It's opened by a man in black.
"Trick or Treat?" young voices demand.
The man pulls out his magic wand.
"Abracadabra" and with that
He pulls a rabbit from his hat.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
You might accuse me of taking a perfectly ordinary poem about school food and sneaking it into my Halloween poetry collection unjustly. You'd be wrong, because there is a very definite link to witches which our more astute readers will have detected.
Rhyming Poetry
7-12
4 lines
Eye of newt, head of goat
Stir fried slugs, tongue of stoat.
Was it wise to privatise
The school's catering supplies?
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
A poem which poses one of those tricky conundrums about vampires. Not the stake one, nor the garlic one, but the mirror one. Reflect on it at your leisure.
Rhyming Poetry
7-12
8 lines
If vampires can’t see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That’s shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?
Copyright © Paul Curtis
A practical poem which teaches you how to make a lantern out of a pumkin , but sadly not what to do with your completed creation.
Rhyming Poetry
7-12
8 lines
Beg, borrow or steal
A pumpkin.
Carve out the eyes and
A toothy grin.
Next pop a lighted
Candle in.
It's time for fright night
To begin.
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
Dressing up as ghosts and ghouls is great fun for pupils at Halloween, but will teachers enter into the spirit (small pun intended) of the fright fest?
Rhyming Poetry
7-12
6 lines
For Halloween our school
Has a dressing up day.
Look, Luke's come as a ghoul
And that ghost's really Fay.
Teachers dress as usual.
They're scarier that way!
Copyright © Patrick Winstanley
You could argue that Christmas Herald is a Christmas poem, but in reality it's a hybrid Halloween-Christmas poem, which is why it's included in both Halloween and Christmas poetry collections.
Rhyming Poetry
10-14
8 lines
The Christmas lights are up
The shops play Christmas tunes
The Santas are out in force
In their red and white platoons
Christmas goodies are on display
The best selections ever seen
Which sends the message out
That it’s nearly Halloween
Copyright © Paul Curtis
